Anyone who has ever read this blog before will understand the admiration and respect I have for the Glee character Sue Sylvester. When I go about my daily business, interacting with work colleagues, friends and strangers – I often find myself asking, What Would Sue Do? So, if you find yourself in that eternal struggle to live up to the impeccable standards that Coach Sylvester exudes – here is how.
Never carry ID; people should know who you are
Driving licences and passports are for the pathetic masses. Only those who mean nothing and aren’t worth your time need to use I.D. to prove their age or identity; you are above this! As a member of the highest strata of society, superior to others; everyone should know exactly who you are.
Demand life-threatening effort and determination from all under your dominion
100% isn’t enough. Blood, sweat and tears are just the beginning. All those below must strive long and hard to achieve perfection. Standards must not slip! Whether it’s your cheerios or your office team, you have to let them know to give their all – even if it means climbing into a cannon and being shot across a football pitch.
Never bow down to those in authority!
Principal Figgins think he rules William McKinley High School but he is mistaken, we all know that Sue rules the roost. Regularly defying and ignoring Figgins and the school board, Sue shows that she is the one who knows best and nobody will stop her on her quest for world domination and the ultimate destruction of the New Directions. Laugh in the face of authority, and it should cry back at you!
Only wear the best in colour coordinated sports gear
With a spot on local news, and an international YouTube sensation with a hit video for Physical, you have to be looking your best. It doesn’t matter where you are; at school; coaching the cheerios; even disparaging those ‘Sneaky Gays’ – the best attire is definitely a tracksuit. Anything else only shows weakness.
Have a softer side
Even the best of us have to posses a softer side; a tiny corner of us must incorporate a little love and compassion. Sue shows this towards her Sister, Jean, who has Down’s syndrome – and is Sue’s best friend. All of us need a confident like Jean to guide us in life, and keep us in check – even Sue Sylvester.
Don’t pander to the liberal, PC-agenda
Don’t let the Politically Correct, inclusive and equality-driven left fool you – they’re trying to introduce communism! Have a tough stance against these dirty-reds and don’t let those lefties drag you down.
I’ll often yell at homeless people: ‘Hey, how is that homelessness working out for you? Give not being homeless a try, huh?
Never be afraid to show your disgust and anger
Sometimes words are not good enough to describe the sheer rage we feel, especially when it comes to Will Schuester. Sometimes violence is necessary, and you can’t let anyone or anything get in your way.
Ensure that others uphold the laws and regulations of the state
The world is full of menace and danger – like Sue, you need to make sure that state regulations are upheld. Will Schuester and Principal Figgins need kept in line, they are constantly inadvertently crossing the lines of decency; allowing sex to protrude into the lives of innocent teenagers through the New Directions‘ Sex Riots! Make sure that you stay up to date with local legislation, so you can quote it to beat your competitors.
Blatantly flout the laws and regulations of the state
Laws and regulations are for the useless in society; if you want to be a big-shot like Sue Sylvester then you need to be above and beyond the law; it’s for others, not you.
Don’t be afraid to speak your mind; You’re hilarious
Got something niggling in the back of your mind? Of course you do. If you hate your neighbour’s shirt or despise the way your colleague has an annoying bad habit, don’t hide it or subtly try to mention it – say it aloud! Clear and in simple language, say what you think and make it as cruel and hilarious as possible – after all, you’re being cruel to be kind.
” I think you will be adding revenge to the list of things you’re not good at, including being married, running a high school glee club, and finding a hair style that doesn’t make you look like a lesbian. “